Formerly Plus-Size Women Are Sharing How They Were Treated Differently After Losing Weight, And It's Making Some Question Everything

Being overweight and then losing weight is an interesting position to be in—because it's only when you've been invisible that you can see how you've been treated differently this whole time, based on your appearance. A Reddit user asked, "Women who have lost weight, how did people start treating you differently?" and the answers were...unsurprisingly disappointing, but insightful.

Formerly plus-size people share how people treated them differently after their weight loss:

1. "I lost 80 or so pounds over 2-3 years, but the last 50 very quickly (and unhealthy). It changed everything honestly. I had more friends, more people wanting to talk to me at parties/bars, I had more fun with clothing, meaning I had cuter outfits that women would chat with me about and I was more confident. I saw men watch me a lot. I saw groups of men talk about me at bars. I had men fighting for my favor. I was more welcomed into friend circles with various women. It was so weird as it was probably my lowest adult weight with my fully formed “assets” meaning I was “thick” in the “right” places vs when I had lost significant weight at another time period but hadn't gained my muscles/boobs/behind. I gained it all back because I was actually pretty depressed and once you go from not eating to binge eating... What I miss most is the social freedom."

— Anonymous

2. "[I've lost 65lbs so far]. Women treat me the same as always. Men...men have gotten more obnoxious. Why yell things at me from across the street or from a moving vehicle? Not gonna lie, some of the extra attention from men can be fun and validating. The most annoying thing my family and some old coworkers did was treat my weight loss like an open invitation to continually compare current me to old me. Like, thanks for reminding me how much I used to suck!"

—u/Mahatma_Panda

3. "I get a lot more compliments and attention from men, both friends and strangers. Some women, especially friends who have a jealous tinge, disguise their jealousy as being worried that I’m losing too much weight and they encourage me to eat more or stop exercising. Sometimes the women will also make comments that put themselves down in an attempt to compliment me."

—u/megand17

4. "Before, clothes were three things on me: frumpy, meh, and decent. Then they became amazing. Everything looked good on me. The frumpiness disappeared, clothing in my size was easier to find and I never ran out. Where I live they run out of the XL, L, and mediums the fastest. So often there are only S and XS. When you can fit XS, S, and medium depending on the brand, life is easier. Another thing was the huge confidence boost. I felt comfortable rocking shorter hairstyles, wearing heels a lot, etc. It felt like I was who I was meant to be. That disappointment of feeling like you’re X and looking in the mirror and seeing something completely different is gone. Looking how you feel inside is such an amazing feeling. You just feel light and free, like your insecurities dropping off of you."

— Anonymous

5. "Honestly it’s hard to say if the changes I noticed were because of the weight or how I presented myself after it was gone. Once I stopped having to worry about where I could shop I became more concerned with my appearance. So...I definitely notice a difference in how people act towards me. It’s like I’m more present than I used to be before. My family as well as random people compliment me to almost uncomfortable levels because I don’t see myself the way they do."

—u/blackcherryblossoms

6. "I lost ~65lbs, friends and family treat me the same as before, which is good. I went from being a total non-entity to registering on the male radar again. The oddest change is with the guy that works at the gas station close to my house. He went from never smiling or looking me in the eye to, well, smiling at me and making eye contact. He doesn't flirt or try to strike up conversation or anything, he's just outwardly friendlier. I don't know if he has something against overweight people, or if *I* just seem nicer."

—u/Eolond

7. "I suddenly existed. Men noticed me. Women were nicer to me. Even my bosses treated me better. It was like I had earned the right to exist. It ANGERED the fuck out of me. Honestly, I couldn’t stand all the people who were suddenly so nice to me. And don’t give me the “Well, your self-esteem was so much higher after you lost weight that people were attracted to you” bullshit. I was always golden. I don’t judge others for being fat so why would I judge myself? All people deserve respect, no matter how they look."

— Anonymous

8. "At my current weight, people tend to get annoyed or defensive when I talk about running or diet. I've stopped talking about this too. I have a weekly routine for working out and I am pretty religious about it because it's easy for me to fall off the wagon. I really can't stand when people try to make me feel vain about this or like I don't *really* need to work out today cause I look *fine*. I like to look and feel a certain way and I am happier when I am regularly exercising so stop trying to make me feel like a villain for doing so."

— Anonymous

9. "Lost 65 lbs. I get treated with a lot more respect now. And get hit on much more. And I lost a woman friend over it."

—u/flabinella

10. "I’ve found it makes a huge difference. My weight has fluctuated by about 35 pounds several times. Basically I don’t want to gain fat because society is just cruel to women when they are bigger. Women and men have complimented me when I have been thinner, and men (‘friends’!) have shamed me when I have been bigger. It is unbelievable how much of a difference there is!"

— Anonymous

11. "I was much heavier in high school, and what I remember best about it was feeling like background scenery. Then most of the weight came off, and people saw me, and I resented it. I definitely had an attitude of "Why didn't you see me as worth your time before?" to boys who only liked me when I went from a size 12 to a size 4. Girls were always kinder when I was overweight, but there were a few who treated me differently once I lost the weight, almost like I was a threat or competition. One girl thought 'skinny bitch' was an endearing nickname. It really wasn't."

— Anonymous

12. "People treated me as if I were more competent. At a bigger weight, people really acted like I was dumb/lazy/incompetent. Wasn't expecting that at all."

—u/flyingcatpotato

13. "I lost 30lbs. Women are snippy and rude, pointing out the things they don't like about my clothing choices. They also get quite critical, especially when their husbands are around. Men are super friendly and chatty when they are alone or with other males. When they are with their wives, they are 100% silent. I don't care what people say or think anymore, I love my bikini body. I love myself."

—u/NormalFemale

14. "I've experienced the dismissals from many women, too. That I'm 'lucky' to be thin (spoiler, I move my body a lot and don't overeat often). Or the warnings of doom, that I'll get fat and frumpy at x,y,z age/ stage: "Just you wait! When you have a desk job/ turn 30/ get married/ have a baby... the pounds will pack on!" It can be frustrating to be upfront about how hard I watch my intake/ output to stay thin and fit, while also not being conceited."

—u/abqkat

15. "Lost a lot, between 85 and 100 pounds about (not sure of my starting weight)15 years ago. Kept it off. HUGE difference. HUGE. I was ignored, now I am given priority. It's a huge issue. There is a LOT of prejudice towards obese people."

—u/merespell

16. "For the most part, women did not treat me different. I've always been pretty nerdy and awkward so my relationship with other women has been based on common odd interests or non-existent. Random women that I encounter through hangouts or out and about have not really treated me differently. Men were much nicer to me and seemed more interested. I definitely had more guys trying to flirt with me and I got a lot more attention than previously. I did end up losing a few friends when they were suddenly interested in dating me, and I had no romantic interest in them which, while upsetting, did not really affect me in any major way. The biggest thing I noticed was no matter which end of the weight spectrum I was on, people always seem super comfortable with commenting on my body. Before it was 'it isn't healthy, or have you tried this diet'. Now it's 'you need to eat a burger, or you're skinny enough just stop trying'."

—u/kimmiesaurus

17. "I’ve lost about 70 pounds. Everything is so different. I don’t think I would have been hired in the job I currently have because I just wouldn’t have projected the right image, even though my job has very little to do with image. I haven’t really noticed a change in friendship, but my new friends (I moved three hours for my job) are all into fitness too and we run together and walk on our lunch breaks. I also am dating someone for the first time in my life and I don’t think that would be happening If I was 70 pounds heavier. I definitely hold myself differently and have more confidence so it’s hard to say how much of how I’m treated is associated with that instead of my weight."

Additionally, one of my new friends is the sister-in-law of the guy I’m dating, so I spend time with their entire family, and I don’t know if this is a weight loss thing or a thing about their family, but I get so many compliments on my appearance that I feel awkward. They will be perfectly normal things said super casually, but I never know how to respond. Things like his mom saying “You look extra-pretty today,” or his dad making a comment about “two beautiful women” joining him on the couch when my friend and I sit on the same couch as him." —u/lnh92

18. "I lost about 50 lbs, I've found that in relationships now men are much more "Well I'll tolerate your presence if you require absolutely no maintenance or effort from me" because now I bring 'pretty' to the table, whereas when I was heavier the men I dated were much more OK with me being a person and having bad days and needing them to make an effort sometimes. It's been kind of confusing to now have to maintain a perfect appearance (always getting up first in the mornings to do my hair/makeup, going to the gym every day, etc.) *and* have to plan all the dates, initiate all the sex, and do 100% of the work to keep the relationship going, but that transition also may be in part because I'm nearing 30."

— Anonymous

19. "I get treated better by both men and women now. You get more attention when you’re healthier because you radiate confidence. However, you’ll still feel judged, but in different ways. Before I kind of fell into the background and felt like a loser. Now people make assumptions that I’m not as smart because I’m pretty. Or that I got this far in my career because I was flirty. It’s strange to have the ability to see both perspectives. I often see overweight and/or insecure people fear talking to me and fit and/or attractive people try to friendlier with me. It feels like a battle with impostor syndrome everyday. What’s helped me overcome this is remembering that everyone is valuable — regardless of who they are, what they contribute to society, or how they look."

"The “universe” also started pushing me into new directions in my career. I ended up getting a random side hustle doing makeup and landed some pretty major gigs with beauty brands. At first I felt like a sellout for getting into such a pretentious industry. But once I accepted that this was one of my gifts, I thought *maybe I was put here for a reason*. Maybe I was put here to instill humanity back in this industry and show people what real beauty is about. For example, whenever I’m doing someone’s makeup, I have to get physically get close with them, which requires a lot of engagement and conversing for them to feel comfortable with me. I often get to uncover stories of why they’re here and how I made them feel. During each interaction, I’m demonstrating that you don’t even need this makeup because you have everything within. That this is just an art and a form of expression. And if this art lights up your confidence from within, then we’re one step closer to helping you to finding and accepting who you really are."—u/truekaibigan

20. "I lost 50ish lbs in high school. I went from the 180s to the low 130s at almost 5'10''. I began to get a lot of attention from guys I actually found attractive instead of the awkward types I had no interest in but who would always ask me out. Unattractive and overweight girls were very unsupportive despite being 'feminists'. They thin shamed, said that I wasn't body-positive, claimed that I must be starving myself. They acted very jealously. I lost a lot of friendships because of it. Attractive girls at healthy weights were the most supportive of the new me at school. So was my gym teacher. My family was supportive of the new healthy me as were my doctors. I became more confident as a result of my weight loss and developed a friendlier demeanor. It made it easier to make better friends and to enjoy social events."

— Anonymous

21. "Everyone is nicer. I am taken more seriously in my field now. Strangers talk to me at random, whereas before they either ignored me, or made crappy comments under their breath, or sometimes, directly to my face. Men hold doors and elevators for me now, instead of letting them close in my face. The women at my husband’s church suddenly wanted to be friends, until I made them uncomfortable by asking them why they hadn’t spoken to me in all the years I’d been there. It’s been a bit of a mindfuck, really."

—u/lostme101

"I experienced a similar phenomenon of women who usually didn’t talk to me wanting to be my friends. And they’d ask me what my secret was, but they didn’t know how to respond when I said, “Oh, you know, just weighing and counting everything I eat every day." —u/hollythorn101

22. "So, I lost a shit ton of weight during the last few months of my alcoholism. The reason was because *I was dying*. I couldn’t eat because I had ulcers in my esophagus, and by the end I was losing my eyesight and had to be medically detoxed. But I’ve never gotten more compliments. People saw me 40lbs thinner and told me how beautiful I looked. Asked me for weight loss tips. People were nicer to me. I was treated better at work. It was really weird to be actively dying and also being told how much of a smoke show I was. Please don’t comment on people’s weight, good or bad, unless they bring it up."

—u/gonzothegreatz

"Lost a ton of weight due to being very ill. I got tons of compliments and people telling me I looked great. I was dying, so it was surreal. People literally preferred me on my deathbed and skinny than healthy and fat. I'm doing much better now and finally gaining some weight back." —u/lumpenhole

23. "I work in a male dominated industry, and I went from being completely invisible to them all taking the time to talk to me. It's not that they treated me badly or rudely, I just didn't exist. Now they'll laugh, joke and flirt. Age doesn't seem to matter either, it's completely surreal."

—u/MoveOolong72

24. "I lost 150 pounds last year. People are nicer and treat me with so much more respect. People don’t say anything when I eat/drink what I want. More random people will start convos with me."

—u/NuggetInLove

25. "The one that tripped me out the most was going to the doctor. Suddenly, I was actually being treated for what I went in for rather than for my weight."

—u/Electronic-Cow7250

26. "I get way more attention from men… like WAY more. It’s insane and almost sad at the same time. I notice overall I’m treated better by even women. When I’m out I get men staring at me. I even had a man approach me one day and said “has everyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” It’s been a complete mind fuck when I’ve felt invisible physically my whole life—which is ironic considering I took up a lot more space before!"

— Anonymous

27. "Getting less disgusted looks from children and other young people when I wear a bikini in the swimming pool."

—u/TheTeaYouWant

28. "I always was skinny in life. Then I got in a bad accident and because of very strong medication I gained 30 pounds. I was still considered at normal weight, but I was much chubbier for two years. Then I finally stopped those medications and I went back to 90 pounds in three months. I was again very slim and fit and I can tell you that my friends, strangers and especially doctors started to be so much nicer and borderline overly nice to me."

— Anonymous

29. "My weight fluctuates. Certain meds make me gain and when I'm off of them my weight drops a bit. It's crazy because I realize it when people start treating me nicer like I'll get hit on by people who literally saw me a month or two prior and said nothing. Guys will hold the door for me and insist on waiting on me. People are just way friendlier in general. Doctors treat me better and actually listen to me. Strangers will help me with stuff I usually had to just struggle with before. I've been every size between a 16/18 and 28W. All of which are still plus size but dang pretty privilege is a thing. When I'm a 16/18 they treat me like I imagine celebrities get treated. This is why I try to treat everyone with the same level of kindness and attentiveness. I hear naturally thin women say all the time they don't think that privilege exists."

"I respect their experience but I don't think they have a personal perspective to compare and contrast like people who have been through weight gain and loss. It's been really challenging at times but I wouldn't trade the experience. It's given me a specific kind of humility and understanding I wouldn't have had otherwise. It's also exposed people's motives and how uncomfortable they can be. It makes me worry about midsize and thinner women who think everyone's being nice because they're just nice. Some are definitely just nice and I don't wish to inspire cynicism but there are some people that can change up their attitude as quick as Jekyll and Hyde. And 50lbs difference can really bring out those individuals true colors. Anyways wherever you're at with your weight, I hope you know you're worthy of the same level of love and care no matter what period. 💖💖" —u/RepulsiveLibrarian89

30. "I've been on a few different sides of this: growing up and up until my mid-20s, I was very slender. I gained weight in my late 20s to my mid-30s, and I've recently started losing a noticeable amount of weight in the last three months. When I was slender and young, everyone was nicer to me—especially men. Now that I'm losing weight, I get looked at more frequently. Men and women are nicer to me. Suddenly, I'm more valid because I meet traditional Western beauty standards. When I was heavier, people judged me more. With men, you're either invisible or the butt of a joke. Women, strangely enough, are just as cruel. My own sister was the 'fat' sister for most of our lives. When the tables turned and I got bigger than her, she was the most vocal about how skinny she was and doing subtle fat-shaming with me."

"The worst is when other overweight people come to talk to me about 'their' weight problems, but they are really talking about 'your' weight problems. If you wanna talk about my weight, at least have the courage to say what you really mean instead of dancing around it." —u/More_netflix_please

Well, the next time a person says "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", you know what to show them. If you have any stories of your own about losing weight, we'd love to hear it in the comments!

Responses have also been taken from thread 2. Responses have been edited for length and clarity.