1 hour ago
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Parents want what's best for their children, but that doesn't mean they always do what's best. Whether they mean to or not, parents can say or do something that leaves long-lasting wounds.
27 people shared the lies their parents told them as children that came back to haunt them years later, and I literally have no words. Some of these parents truly meant well, but others said things that are truly unforgivable.
1. "'They’re mean to you because they have a crush on you.' (Teaches that abusive behavior is acceptable.)"
"When our oldest was in 6th grade, the boy behind her in class kept kicking her chair or moving her backpack, just annoying stuff that he was clearly doing to get her attention. So we told her, he may be doing it because he likes you, but that doesn't make it acceptable behavior, and you don't have to put up with it. Tell your teacher, and if they won't handle it, we'll step in (also trying to teach our girls to advocate for themselves).
The next day we got a call from the principal. The kid kicked her chair, so she turned around and squirted him in the face with her water bottle. Like how we spray the cats when they try to jump on the counter. She did not get in trouble at school or at home.
2. "Making promises that everything will be ok, when it probably won’t be. My kids' dad died from leukemia. It sucked having to tell them the ambiguous truth, but the kids we knew who were given false reassurance saw through the obvious lies and did not do well."
3. "'Abstinence is the only way.' This is the lie parents tell that causes problems years later."
"I used to know someone who believed that if you used birth control, you'd never be able to have children. Of course her church told her that."
4. "'Your brother moved away years ago. He went to London to start his own business.' No. You threw him out because he was gay. He went to cosmopolitan London because it was what young gay guys did in the '70s. You only reconnected many years later, shortly before he passed away."
5. "'You're gifted/special.' Most of us are not gifted or special; we're just ordinary people doing our best. You can be gifted or special to someone in particular, but not to the world at large. I think it's necessary to make your children feel special, unique, and loved, but also, IMO, they need to be grounded in the overall world, so they don't burn out under pressure (or become entitled a**holes)."
6. "'Respect your elders.' No, my respect is revoked when you give me no reason to respect you. I hate the idea that we need to give people respect solely ‘cause they’re older."
7. "I grew up constantly being told that I would never get 'abducted' because I was too annoying and that anyone who took me would just bring me back. Meanwhile, before I was even 14, I was nearly assaulted twice after being asked to go into private spaces by people I thought I could trust. My parents were so focused on making sure I saw the world as a positive, loving place that they ended up shielding me from how dangerous it can actually be. I know they wanted to protect me, but convincing me there was nothing to fear did not prepare me to recognize when I was actually in danger."
8. "That hell is a thing, and you'll go there if you don't follow a very specific yet arbitrary set of rules by a giant invisible man who loves you but will not hesitate to set you on fire."
9. "'Ignore the bully'. I eventually figured out that this advice is stupid and that you can't rely on adults to help you either, because unless they are very close to you, they do not want to get involved. What I ended up doing was singling out one of the weaker bullies and scaring the life out of them. I also kept challenging the bigger ones (and losing), so the teachers had to intervene. Did I do the right thing? Obviously not, but that's what a child comes up with when adults don't care or their advice is useless."
"Adults really just don't know what to tell kids about this. Unless they witness the behavior, it's difficult to intervene.
If parents notify the school, it's your kid's word against the bully's. Also, the kid gets labeled a tattletale or a narc.
You can tell them to fight the bully, but they are likely to lose. Bullies tend to be physically bigger than the kids they pick on, and they also run in packs.
I think most kids handle it by avoiding being alone with them whenever possible. That was certainly my strategy."
10. "You can't have the indoor car light on. I had been driving for a year when I almost crashed my car looking for something in the dark because I actually still thought it was illegal to turn it on while driving."
11. "My mother would never reveal her real age, and is now deceased, and so I can’t answer relevant doctors’ questions like how old she was when she had breast cancer, or her age at the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, etc."
12. "My pet rabbit died when I was young. My dad told me it got out and ran away. I was distraught, looking for it. Some other kids helped me. But others made fun of me. Ended up in a fight about it with a bully. Long story short: He lied because he thought it would be easier on my little 8-year-old heart."
13. "'You can be anything you want if you work hard enough.' It sets kids up for a brutal collision with reality."
14. "'Boys will be boys!' You're teaching your daughter that a guy is allowed to act like a dick just because he's a guy."
15. "My very strict sister just learned what happens when you tell your child, 'When you're 18, you can do whatever you want,' for their entire life. Although maybe 'learned' is the wrong word because she's shepherding the next child right down that same path."
16. "'Good things come to those who wait.'"
17. “'You can tell me anything; I’m your parent.' Then, when you actually open up, they use it against you in the next argument. That teaches kids to hide things rather than ask for help."
18. "'Never take out loans or use credit.' Great, now they have no credit history and can't even get a car loan, let alone a mortgage."
19. "'What happens in our house stays in our house.'"
20. “'Family is family, so you have to forgive them.' No. Being related to someone doesn’t give them unlimited chances to disrespect you, manipulate you, abuse you, or treat you like shit. Teaching kids that 'family comes first no matter what' is how you end up with adults who feel guilty for setting boundaries with people they would’ve cut out of their lives years ago if they weren’t related."
"Also, how do you get adults that side with their family over their partner, no matter how wrong the family is?"
21. "'Everything we do is for your own good.' Sometimes it just teaches kids to feel guilty for making their own choices."
"Or my favorite: 'This hurts me more than it hurts you.' Bitch, no, it doesn't."
22. "'You can be anything you want to be.' No. No, you cannot. Most of us work jobs we don't like."
23. "'You're going to hell if you do x, y, z.' Shit had me fucked up at 4 years old."
24. "'Looks don't matter. It's what's inside that counts!' Reality is, we're all being judged and judging others by appearance. It matters."
25. “'Stop crying. I’ll give you something to cry about.' Then, 20 years later, those same parents wonder why their adult children never talk about their feelings or ask for help. Teaching a child to hide their emotions isn’t the same as teaching them to handle them."
26. "'Money doesn't matter.' Then you grow up with no idea how to talk about salary or budgets."
27. "'Granny/Grandpa/Old Yeller has gone to sleep forever' is a euphemism for death. Some children take that literally and have a deathly (no pun intended) fear of going to sleep."
Oof. These lies go way beyond Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, but they're also only a fraction of the lies parents tell their children. Fortunately, most 'untruths' aren't nearly as harmful, and there's always time for parents to learn from their past mistakes.
Can you think of any other lies parents tell their kids? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments or the anonymous form below.
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
English (US) 