1 week ago
33
Making new friends is very exciting, but there should come a time in everyone's life when dealing with people's "red flags" and BS just cannot happen anymore. And making the choice to say, "Yeah, actually no," is a total power move.
So when Reddit user u/DependentPoetry6784 asked the question, "What’s a tiny red flag that instantly makes you realize you probably won’t become friends with someone?" in r/askteddit, I was excited to hear how people smartly avoided a lot of friendship nonsense:
1. "Conversational narcissists…people who give monologues, interrupt constantly, or engage in one-upmanship. For example: 'I was at that concert, too, but in the front row/center and seated next to Morgan Freeman.'"
2. "Folks who whip out their laptops the moment they sit down ANYWHERE."
3. "When they’re rude to service workers but suddenly become offensively charming around people they want something from, that tells me everything I need to know."
4. "They're a social butterfly or people-pleaser. When they're too fixated on becoming friends with everyone, they won't know who they are, where they stand, who's wrong and who's right, what they've done right or wrong, and the list goes on and on."
5. "This might seem weird, but I don't care to be around loud talkers, like there is no volume control."
6. "Conversely, I can't stand people who whisper or mumble as their default, and you have to keep asking them to repeat themselves."
7. "People who need constant contact through texting, calls, or meeting up. We’re not married, and you’re not my parent or employer. I need friends to let me breathe for a bit, and when we meet up, we’ll have something to talk about. This is more of a preference; I wouldn’t call it a red flag. Some people like these dynamics; I personally get annoyed by it."
8. "Talking over me. I have an acquaintance who literally starts talking as I’m finishing my sentences or even in the middle of my sentence. It’s not because she’s too excited and filling in the blanks; she’s just ready to talk and starts talking. It’s very strange."
9. "Littering. It's small, but it shows how small-minded they are and that they disregard other people."
10. "Never taking the initiative to reach out or organize anything. They are lovely when they see you, but they only see you if you organize it. What am I, an unpaid event planner?"
11. "It’s petty, but if they try to stir the conversation to sports, sooner or later. Not as in, 'Do you watch any sports?' But, 'So who’s your team?' I can only act interested for so long. They’ll figure out I don’t really watch them. And if it’s a major part of their social life, the conversations just drop off."
12. "People who try to get too familiar with you too early and call you things like 'sis.' I instantly do not trust you."
13. "Someone who consistently mocks your interests. I feel like part of being an adult is accepting that people have different interests than you, and putting something down like that shows that your trivial interests somehow put others down. Just let people enjoy stuff without a comment that's negative."
14. "Teasing behavior. It's usually abuse covered as jokes."
15. "Insecurity or compliment fishing. When someone starts talking about how much they suck, it always just makes me think, 'Yeah, you probably do.'"
16. "May not be small, but their inability to question their own belief system or norms around them. When someone says something, I usually ask, 'Interesting…and why do you think that?' If the wheels don’t turn enough, we can’t be friends. My group of friends always investigates each other's beliefs and worldviews."
And finally, here's one that's too, too real:
17. "If they trash-talk all their friends the entire time you’re hanging out, I assume I’m next. Maybe not today, but eventually."
Do you want to share any more red flags that have made you think twice about a friendship? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, or, if you'd prefer to remain anonymous, feel free to fill out this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
English (US) 