"That's A Man": People Are Applauding This Mom For Her Video Sharing How She's Talking To Her Son About Consent And The Bystander Effect In The Wake Of The Cornell Rape Lawsuit

This article mentions allegations of sexual assault. 

I have two teenage brothers, and something I think about a lot is what kinds of conversations I need to be having with them to ensure that these wonderful boys turn into good men.

It's constantly on my mind, but even more so lately in the wake of news breaking that Jane Doe, a former Cornell University student, filed a civil lawsuit alleging that, in 2024, she was gang raped by seven men from the Chi Phi fraternity.

It's clear that we, as a culture, need to have conversations about sexual assault and consent. But it can be hard to know how to approach these topics, especially with younger kids. So, when I came across a video by @driven.byjamie showing how she talked to her 12-year-old son about the Cornell rape lawsuit, I took notes. And based on the over 1.5 million views on TikTok, 363,000 likes on Instagram, and thousands of comments, I’m not the only one.

In the caption of her viral video, Jamie clarifies that they'd already discussed the case off-camera. The conversation happening in her video showed what it looked like for her son to "[work] through something heavy, out loud."

Jamie later asks her son, "What is the thinking behind them not stepping in?" He responds, "I think primarily because they were scared of being made fun of for standing up for another person." He says this is wrong, adding, "If something bad is happening that you are able to stop, but you don't, you're still not the good guy in the situation."

When talking to BuzzFeed, Jamie said that she knows her son is already in group chats. He's in 7th grade, after all. So, it was important for her to discuss the bystander effect and have him work through what it would be like to be in a group chat where rape was being discussed.

Jamie asked her son, "If something like that came up in one of your group chats with your very best friends in the world, and one of them said, 'Come over. There's a girl. She's drugged.' And somebody else says, 'Are you kidding me? I'll be there in 10 minutes.' What would you do?"

He responded: "I'm gonna type in the group chat, 'Stop it.' I'm gonna call the police. I call the police. I run upstairs and say, 'I called the police. You better quit it right now.'"

Jamie followed up, saying, "What if that means you lose your very best friends?"

As her son thinks about this, he gets visibly choked up. Jamie told BuzzFeed she remembers being surprised when she noticed tears forming in her son's eyes.

"I will cry, but I will not regret what I did. I will be mad. I will be sad, but I won't regret what I did," Jamie's son finished.

Jamie ends the video by pulling her son into a hug. And, given the massive amount of comments from people applauding his bravery, it seems that many on the internet wanted to do the same:

People are also thanking Jamie for being a parent who is even willing to talk about such a sensitive topic in the first place:

In the comments, they're also shouting out specific moments in the video that were striking, like Jamie's son using the phrase "standing up for another person" while talking about Jane Doe...

...And when the 12-year-old teared up thinking about how it would feel to potentially lose a friend over standing up for what's right:

In her caption, Jamie alludes to getting comments that her 12-year-old is "too young" to discuss topics like sexual assault. But both Jamie and a handful of people in her comments disagree with that sentiment:

Jamie also gets tons of comments on all of her videos from parents asking how she approaches tough conversations with her young sons:

"I want to say I'm not a parenting expert. I don't have a degree in parenting. None of us do," Jamie told BuzzFeed. "But just the whole idea of raising good men has just always been a part of my psyche."

Something Jamie says she's always sought to do is establish trust with her kids. They know they can always come to her with questions and, as long as they're open and honest, they will "never be in trouble."

There's no sophisticated science or ultraspecific strategy behind how Jamie approaches conversations like the one she had with her son about the Cornell case. Oftentimes, she will start by simply asking what her child has already heard about a situation, whether it be at school, on the bus, etc.

"I mean, I will literally just say, 'Hey, did you hear about XYZ?' Because I want to know what he heard, because that way it gives me data about where we are starting from," Jamie told BuzzFeed. "And then I tell him the story. And it doesn't have to be in graphic detail, but I'm not sugarcoating it."

She says she uses words like "rape" and "consent" when discussing topics like the Cornell case because she feels it's important to be "very, very, very, very specific" and honest with her kids to maintain their established sense of trust.

"If you treat something like it's taboo, you make it a bigger deal, and kids get weird and immature about it, and then they think they have to hide things from you," she told BuzzFeed. "I don't parent like that. If someone does, that's fine, but I'm just very, very, very open."

As for the matter of whether or not something is age-appropriate to talk about with her kids, Jamie's take is that every topic is on the table.

"I understand the instinct people have to protect their kids. [They] think the best way to protect them from the horrible world is to just shield them from it, but that's never been my mindset. Ever," Jamie told BuzzFeed. "I think it's one of the worst things we can do as a parent. If we tell ourselves we're protecting them, we're really not. I promise, they know more and hear more than any parent ever realizes."

Jamie says she's gotten dozens of comments and messages from parents thanking her for her video and saying it's inspired them to start open dialogues with their kids about serious topics. Some are older than her son; some are younger. For her, this is the goal.

"I want [parents] to be inspired and not afraid to have these conversations, whether it's with a son or a daughter...It doesn't have to be hard. Instead of watching a video and just getting ticked off, think, 'How can I use this to show my son or my daughter?' And, 'What questions could I ask them to help them work through their thought process?' That's the inspiration," Jamie told BuzzFeed. "I just want people to understand that it doesn't have to be hard, but it's the most important work we will do."

You can watch Jamie's full video here. In the meantime, let us know your thoughts in the comments.