1 week ago
55
Nurses are literal angels on Earth, sent down from heaven to care for us in our times of need, but even angels have their off days.
1. "Family came in looking for their relative. I replied, 'He’s no longer with us.' I immediately clocked the looks of surprise and devastation when I remembered to add, 'He’s been transferred to the fourth floor.' Oopsie!"
2. "I was leading a blind patient down the hall and told him to watch his step. He just laughed and said, 'Well, that’s not really something I’m good at.' I was just happy that he couldn’t see how red my face was behind my laughter."
"I once told a double amputee to 'watch their step' when they accidentally knocked over a vase, and glass was all over the floor."
3. "One time I stuttered and stumbled really badly over a sentence. I laughed and loudly said, 'OMG I’m having a stroke!' ...in front of a stroke patient."
4. "My patient: 'I’m so stressed out about my surgery and not having insurance. I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford a $20,000 bill.' Me: 'Oh god, no, it’ll be way more than that!' I immediately died inside."
5. "Working as a nursery nurse, we had a 12-pound baby born vaginally. I barged in through the nursery doors, exclaiming to my coworker, 'WHERE’S BIG BERTHA?' What I didn't know was that the mom was breastfeeding her behind a privacy partition. She definitely heard me. I was mortified."
6. "The first time I took a patient on my own from a pre-op room to a procedure room, I bumped the stretcher on the doorway and said to the guy (without thinking), 'I knew I couldn't get out of the room without banging you.' I looked at him and said, 'I'm so fired!' He grinned and said, 'You and I are going to get along!' 😆😆😆😆"
7. "I brought a patient back from the waiting room, and the first thing I did was have them get on the scale. I said, 'Sorry for your wait,' which, given the circumstances, was interpreted as 'weight.'"
8. "I had a patient whose name was Louise. While I was taking her oral temperature, I said, 'I love the name Louise. That’s my middle name.' She nodded but looked super confused. After I walked out, I realized it was the wrong patient; her name was most definitely not Louise. Awkward rest of shift for sure."
9. "In labor and delivery, it becomes a habit to call our patients 'Mama.' I'm not saying it's a great one, but it can be difficult to remember patient names, and you're trying to build a bond for their comfort. I'd often also give instructions to the father of the baby and call them 'dad' once I'd established their relationship (never make assumptions). Well, one evening after delivery, as a proud new father was leaving with an armload of belongings to take to postpartum, I said, 'Bye, DADDY!' It didn't faze him, but it absolutely did not sound right. The entire nurse's station was frozen in awkwardness until the doors closed again, and then a barrage of laughter exploded from everyone present. Never again."
10. "A patient was trying to remember his nurse's name from a few nights prior. He described her, and I said, 'Oh! You're talking about Cathrine, the pocket-sized nurse!' I always called her that because I am 5'9" and built like a linebacker, and she was 4'9" and tiny. The patient was a little person. He said, 'Well, if she's pocket-sized, then what am I?' I just said, 'I'll, uh... I'll be leaving now.'"
11. "Me saying, 'I’m sure you feel like you got hit by a truck,' to a patient who... got hit by a truck. His wife didn’t think it was funny, and they fired me, LOL. I hope you’re doing well now, BTW! 🩷"
12. "I was trying to gauge if a patient was just okay or great. So I gave a thumbs-up and asked if he was good, and he gave me a thumbs-up. I said, 'Just one thumb or two?' He looked at his other hand and said, 'Well...' He only had one thumb. I had even asked him that morning how he lost his thumb. Something in my subconscious was trying to wreck me that day."
13. "I literally told a patient last night that 'the doctors are going to play with you now.' The residents were coming in to do an ultrasound on her heart. IDK why I said it like that. 😭😭"
14. "I've worked in home hospice for 10 years, and sometimes, when people apologize about their messy home, I’ll say something like, 'Don’t worry, I’ll survive.' Yikes!"
15. "New grad over here. I was admitting a patient the other day and asking all the routine admission questions, and instead of asking my patient how tall they were, it came out, 'And how high are you?'"
16. "When I was working at a nursing home, I told a resident to have fun and enjoy her day out. She then told me she was going to a funeral."
17. "I used to work in pediatrics. A mom one time handed me some extra pieces for the bottle she brought in, and I said, 'Hold on, let me get some gloves. I don’t want to manhandle your nipples.' That moment lives rent-free in my head forever now."
18. "It was toward the end of my shift, and my bladder was bursting, but I decided to check on a patient before visiting the restroom. I walked around my patient’s bed to check her IV pump. Her husband was sitting in the chair just behind me, which was unfortunate because I had a strong bladder spasm and farted really loudly not far from the man. I could have died."
19. "'Don't move!' When I walked away from a raised bed with a quadriplegic patient in it."
"Had a quadriplegic patient who was being a creep and pushing boundaries with the young female staff. He asked me for a hug in a suggestive way, and I answered, 'How about a high five instead?' Much meaner than I intended."
20. "Not necessarily something I said, but there have been a few times I have knocked on the patient's door from INSIDE their room while about to exit. So embarrassing, and I can only imagine how much they question my sanity when I have done this."
21. "I had a deaf patient in labor last week whose husband was also completely deaf. I checked in on her sometime in the wee hours after she got an epidural, and they were both napping. Her interpreter was in the room, though, and I just told her to let the patient know when she woke up that I had stopped in. Except I whispered this — to the only hearing person in the room. Apparently, I wanted to avoid waking up my deaf patients by whispering too loudly. 🤦♀️🤷♀️😂"
22. "One time a patient said thank you, and I started to say you’re welcome. Then I thought, 'That’s too formal. Say no problem instead.' In the end, I said, 'Your problem.' Thankfully, they were sedated and hopefully do not remember. 😂"
23. "I had a trauma patient admitted with firework-related injuries about a week before the Fourth of July. I worked the Fourth and was in his room making conversation. I was like, 'You have a good view from your room; you should be able to watch some fireworks tonight!' 🫣"
24. "In nursing school clinicals, I was left alone with an ER patient while the nurse ran out to check on something. I tried making small talk with the patient, asking about his family. He said he had nine siblings. I said, 'Wow, 10 kids! Your mother must have been a saint!' He looked at me sideways and said, 'My mother was a drug addict, and when she was around, she was wasted.' That's the day I learned never to make assumptions."
25. "I'm a caseload midwife. I'm also really bad at remembering faces. A client saw me in a coffee shop and came to talk to me. I asked her how parenting was going, thinking she was an ex-client. Nope — she was a current pregnant client under my care! The backtracking I attempted was horrendous!"
"Omg this is me! I do a lot of nervous smiling and asking, 'So how are...things?'"
26. "Before I was a nurse, I worked as a CNA in a local ICU. We had a larger female patient who complained of chest pain and was about to be taken for a heart catheter. The RN needed to place a Foley, but needed help spreading her legs apart so he could get access. So there I was, holding up one thigh with my elbow and the other with my hand while the nurse did gymnastics to get the right angle. The patient was obviously uncomfortable, and I always try to break the ice. I don't know why, but my brain landed on, 'So, you got any kids?' while I was face-to-face with her baby maker. She turned BRIGHT red and yelled, 'NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY DAMN KIDS!' I learned that sometimes the ice is better left unbroken."
27. "While going through the generic X-ray/MRI questionnaire, I asked, 'Is there any chance you could be pregnant?' The patient was over eight months pregnant, looked like she was about to pop on the stretcher, and had active fetal monitoring in place."
28. "A phlebotomist came to draw a patient's blood. They asked the patient how they were doing. The patient replied, 'Not good. Doc just gave me less than a year.' The phlebotomist, clearly not paying attention to the response, said, 'Oh, I’m sure it’ll be better next year.'"
29. "The patient was palliative. I had JUST been in the room changing him and cleaning him up. His wife came in, and I greeted her. She asked, 'How is he doing today?' I paused and said, 'You'll find him much altered from yesterday.' Nooo fucking shit. I followed her into the room, and as I turned the corner, I instantly saw he was dead: the color, lack of breathing, etc. I'd literally been gone under five minutes. She went up and started greeting him, gave him a kiss, and realized he wasn't breathing, so she said, 'Oh my god... Is he?' I played dumb and took my stethoscope to listen to his non-existent chest sounds. She didn't believe me when I said I thought he had passed. The guy was still warm, so clearly I was lying. I had to go get my charge nurse and pre-warn her that this guy was dead, and the wife didn't believe me. It was BRUTAL. The words, 'YOU'LL FIND HIM MUCH ALTERED FROM YESTERDAY,' burn my soul EVERY DAY. 😭"
30. And finally, "I asked a kid if he brought his mom and grandma with him, but they were a lesbian couple and both his moms."
Are you a nurse? What is one of your funniest "Oh my god, why did I just say that?" moments? Tell me in the comments or use the anonymous form below. Your response may be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed article!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
English (US) 