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Have you ever heard that saying, "Works in theory, but not in practice?" Sometimes things are better left as ideas than as something you might need in your everyday life.
So when Reddit user u/Umbrosyx asked the question, "What’s a trait you find attractive in theory but can’t actually tolerate in a relationship?" I knew there would be a lot of good (and hot) takes:
1. "Sarcasm as a constant communication style. Funny at first, but when every serious conversation gets deflected with a joke, it becomes impossible to actually resolve anything."
2. "The frugal/cheap/thrifty type. Like, awesome, we have long-term savings! But then, wait…I seriously can’t buy basics without an inquisition?"
3. "Super chill, 'nonchalant' type. It’s cool until you get in a relationship with them and they’re nonchalant about every single thing."
4. "Unbridled loyalty, or loyalty to a fault. Be loyal, yes. But don't be loyal to me no matter what I do or take my side when I'm clearly in the wrong. Partners (or friends) should be able to communicate when the other is off track. That's how we reflect and grow. I don't want my own opinions mirrored or wrongdoings validated by someone else. Speak your own mind!"
5. "Overly communicative. It's great when you can communicate your needs and have conversations with depth, but not everything needs to be talked to death or have to be that deep."
6. "I used to be really into the idea of someone who was standoffish to everyone else but had a sweet spot for me. Turns out it’s not fun to be around someone who is mean to others all the time."
7. "I’m always moved when someone is spending their precious free time helping the homeless or at an animal shelter, but I guess in a relationship, I would not like missing out on those hours."
8. "Extreme independence. Sounds nice to have a partner who is self-sufficient, right? Then they don't need or want you, or talk to you, when something life-altering happens. They don't communicate the issues they have between you two because they don't see their importance, and they don't need you anyway. They could cut you loose, and it would change nothing for them."
9. "The artsy-dreamer type. Then the reality hits that they move with no sense of urgency and have poor time management and planning skills. They come with vibes and melodrama."
10. "Too many compliments and 'I love yous.' My ex-husband did this early on, and I felt like a jerk for not liking it. Years later, I read about love bombing, and it all clicked into place."
11. "Very ambitious. Sometimes this can actually mean they’re always stressed, high-strung, on the go, feeling like they need to be productive 24/7, constantly working, strategic, and political, etc."
12. "Bratty attitudes. It seems fun in media, but in reality, it's just a pain in the ass. You had all the kinks in the world to choose from, and you picked being annoying."
13. "I liked the idea of a relationship with someone who’s constantly challenging me when I was younger. As an adult, no, thank you. Let’s agree most of the time."
14. "Non-confrontational. It seems nice at first, but over time, you start to feel like you don't know a person because they aren't saying what they want to say. Too many secrets can build up that way."
15. "Someone with a high sex drive. You think that sounds yummy and sexy on paper, but after the first few exciting months together, having sex all the time is exhausting. Sometimes you just want to eat pizza and watch TV."
And finally, here's one that's just hilariously too true:
16. "Someone who is evil. Outright diabolical. A straight-up villain. The concept is really hot, but in real life, that kind of person runs an AI-powered tech startup, so no thanks."
Is there a trait you find attractive in theory but can’t actually tolerate in a relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below, or, if you'd prefer to remain anonymous, fill out this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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