2 weeks ago
16
We all know the big, popular conspiracy theories. You know, like the moon landing, lizard people, and the Illuminati. But what about the small, innocent, personal theories? You know, the ones about where the family pet disappeared to, or what dinosaurs really looked like over all those bones. Those kinds of stories. Well...
Over on Reddit, people are confessing their "totally harmless" conspiracy theories they believe with their whole hearts, and honestly, some of these have me rethinking EVERYTHING — from how to approach my cat to questioning where my Canadian niceties really come from. Take a look and let me know what you believe...and what you don't:
1. "Around 1995, I was away at college when I broke up with a girlfriend. When she left, she took the TV remote, but I figured I had misplaced it. I moved back to my hometown a month later, and soon after, I bought a new TV and never thought about the remote again. About 4 years later, we got back in contact, and she dropped by my new place for a coffee. After she left, I couldn't find the remote for my new TV. I searched everywhere and eventually found the old TV remote in a crack under the back cushion of the couch. I never did find the remote I needed for the new TV. I'm convinced she stole both of them and pulled a switcheroo years later."
2. "Birds swoop in front of cars for the thrill of it. They have wings; they can clearly fly higher."
3. "I think I know the reason why Canadians are so nice. They transfer all their anger and rage into their geese, then send them south to rid themselves of the wrath they have inside them. That's why Canadian geese are so aggressive and attack so many people — and why Canadians are so nice."
4. "I believe that at the beginning of the week, weather apps put a higher chance of rain on the upcoming weekend, so people keep checking the forecast. This way, they get more ad revenue."
5. "I never knew my real father, but when I was about 17, I discovered that he still lived in the same city as me. Clearly, my mom was uncomfortable with the idea of him coming back into our lives, and I wasn't exactly eager to connect. So, I never tried to reach out. At my high school graduation, I gave the commencement speech. Yay! Afterward, I was outside with friends, family, and family of friends when this random dude came up to me, congratulated me, and said he was proud of me. I had no idea who he was — I just figured he was a guy who liked my speech. So I politely thanked him, as one does. After he left, I couldn't escape this inner voice saying, 'That was your dad.' I tried to find him and see if my mom had seen him, but no — he was gone. Many years later, I learned that he had passed away. I never really saw a picture of him, and I have no proof that the man who approached me was my real father, but…I dunno…I just know."
6. "I'm convinced my dad used to invent things that needed fixing whenever I visited, just so I'd stay longer. Half the time, we'd spend two hours 'fixing' something that already worked."
"As someone who lost their dad 15 years ago, this is beautiful. I love your Dad."
7. "I think that makeup is pushed at a young age to worsen skin quality...so that you feel you NEED the repair and restorative creams later in life."
8. "T. rex didn't have the short, stubby arms as depicted. They had wings and were dragons. Look at a chicken from the supermarket with its small, stubby arms. When it was alive and well, those short, stubby arms had wings attached. Why are we to believe that T. rex didn't also have wings?"
9. "Somewhere in my house is a portal that only accepts one sock at a time."
10. "I think we can sense each other, kind of like how birds can all fly the same way even when there are thousands of them. Have you ever just known someone had passed away without having any proof, only to find out later that you were right? Or maybe your kid was in trouble, and even before you found out, you just had a feeling? Has someone ever walked into a room with their back turned toward you, and you could just feel that they were in a bad mood? Or maybe you got out of bed at a weird time right before your baby started crying? It makes sense that we're all connected on some other level, since we are such social animals, with relatively large group sizes even in a state of nature. I really think humans have a sixth sense and can feel each other."
11. "I believe that something in pesticides causes cancer in people who live on or near farms. I grew up in rural Ohio and have known a disproportionate number of people who got cancer — many very, very young. They all were farmers or lived next to farms. I'm convinced it's the pesticides."
12. "I'm convinced that when you're looking at something in a grocery store, someone who doesn't even need that product will 100% come over and act like they need to look at the EXACT spot you're standing in. I usually walk away and watch from a distance. They almost never actually need anything in that aisle at all."
13. "I believe that all the negative things we don't deal with mentally will eventually affect us physically, no matter how much we try to ignore them — even if we exercise regularly and eat healthy."
14. "My theory is that cats know exactly what they're doing, and the whole 'Oops, I knocked it over' routine is performance art!"
"I believe cats can understand everything we say; they just don't care."
15. "The internet is a big, big lie. A huge amount of online interactions are generated by bot farms, either to make money or to manipulate the general population's opinions and behaviors, and maybe even radicalize them."
16. "If I'm looking for something specific in the dryer, it will ALWAYS, without a doubt, be the last item I pull out. Effing always."
17. "When I use my great-grandmother's mixing bowl, I SWEAR it makes my cookies taste better."
18. "I think that most vertebrates and many invertebrates are sapient. Dogs, cats, cows, and crows have best friends and can identify and remember their favorite (and least favorite) humans. Octopuses are very intelligent and are escape artists. We know that whales and other sea mammals have near-human intelligence."
19. "The CEOs of S&P 500 companies are true psychopaths. A lot of the frontline executives, one or two levels below them, are as well. I spent 10 years in the tech industry and a lot of time around presidents, VPs, and C-level executives, and I've seen a startling lack of humanity among them, despite how good they are at hiding it. In fact, I think that's why they get to these positions in the first place. I've known MANY employees who are better and more tenured than these ghouls, but because they have empathy, they never make it past the director level. These executives can look someone in the eyes, lie through their teeth, shake their hand, and then lay them off, along with a thousand more people, without losing a day of sleep over it. It's something I've witnessed firsthand."
20. "I think people have evolved into specialized roles within their groups. Much like hive insects, I believe we are genetically predisposed to serve different functions. Some are warriors, some are gatherers, some are strategists, and some are caretakers. Our lack of insight into this means that, in modern society, we're often trapped in the wrong roles, with all the feelings of discontent that it brings."
21. "The odds are that if intelligent life exists, we won't be able to communicate with it beyond the most absolute basics. There are fairly intelligent animals here on Earth that we can't understand in the slightest. Even if they're less intelligent than we are, most of them are other mammals we share a lot with. A species that evolved completely separately, under entirely different environmental pressures, will have a totally different way of communicating and organizing its social structures — one we may not be able to comprehend at all."
22. "I believe that people who fight on reality shows are actually friends off-camera and are just following the rule that drama makes for better TV."
23. "Horoscopes used to have some explanatory power, not because of stars, but because people born at the same time used to experience similar patterns of maternal and early-childhood environments that were tied to seasonal changes and resource availability."
24. "HGTV shows are all propaganda designed to convince people to buy homes they can't afford...to prop up the post-2008 housing market crash."
25. "I'm convinced that my dad has been secretly throwing away the lids to my mom's Tupperware for the last 30 years and gaslighting her about it."
26. "I think Spotify makes their advertisements purposely annoying so you eventually break down and pay for premium...just so you don't have to hear them anymore."
27. "I just have a feeling that vape shops are some sort of front."
"I always thought the same thing when I would see a calendar store in the mall."
28. "I believe the world DID end on 12/21/12, and we're all in Hell."
29. "I think grocery stores put their expired (or almost expired) products in pickup orders. I constantly get expired products in my order."
30. And finally...a classic: "There are other 'Earths' out there just like ours. They have their own histories, wars, celebrities, sports teams, and businesses. They may be far behind us or thousands of years ahead, but they're out there. And they're wondering the same things about us."
Now I wanna hear from you! Do you have a low-stakes conspiracy theory tucked away in your brain that only comes out on the fifth date or the fifth drink at a party? Well, tell me ALL ABOUT IT! If you're feeling confident, go ahead and throw your theory in the comments. But if you want some privacy, that's what the easy anonymous form below is for. Tell me absolutely everything!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
English (US) 