4 weeks ago
23
Relationships between women can be confusing. It’s hard to see through social dynamics informed by internalized misogyny and performed femininity. Nevertheless, there are telltale signs that a woman in your circle might not have your best interests at heart.
Reddit user Top_Campaign_5747 raised an important question in the AskWomen subreddit. “What’s something other girls do that instantly makes you not trust them?” Here’s what the women of Reddit had to say:
1. "Liking Chris Brown's music, centering males, and saying 'women are so hard to get along with' or 'women are so dramatic.'"
2. “Having photos of herself as her phone background.”
3. “When they have a history of friendships that have ended badly and very few friendships that have lasted longer than 1–2 years. There’s a reason no one stays around them for long, and there’s a reason it’s happened over and over. They never fix it or change.”
4. “The fake sticky-sweet voice that goes up two octaves when they’re making polite conversation. It’s not just girls, it’s grown-ass women too. I hear this voice a lot when I talk with parents in the pickup line at my kids’ school. If that’s the voice they use with me, I know I should never tell them anything private or important.”
5. “Competitive behaviors. For example, when you express interest in a guy and notice she suddenly gets interested in chatting him up. I grew up with a girl who would immediately show interest in the guys I liked to prove she could take them if she wanted.”
“Jolene?”
6. “When they only talk about themselves and don’t show any interest in you or how you’re doing. It’s like you’re not even there, and they don’t care who you are. They’re just happy that someone is in front of them to talk about themselves with. I’m all for someone talking about something they’re going through or getting stuff off their chest, but at least acknowledge my responses and have an actual conversation instead of just talking at me.”
8. “When they say all their friends are men because they don’t get along with women.”
9. “Someone who says 'I’m not like other girls' is a red flag in my book.”
10. “Love bombing, and being overly flattering early on in the friendship.”
11. “Backhanded compliments like: 'Wow, so brave of you to wear that with your body type.'”
12. “When they insist that they’re not mean, they’re just honest. They’re always mean.”
“100%. This is the reason why I cut off a former friend. She disguised her harsh words toward me as a way of expressing care. There are ways to word things empathetically, but she never took that route."
13. “Women who share their other friends’ secrets so casually.”
14. “When they immediately diss the person who introduced you the moment your mutual friend steps away.”
15. “When their camera roll is loaded with screenshots of text messages.”
16. “Speaking negatively about other people's appearance or weight is vile to me. Absolutely fuck off if you're going to do that around me.”
17. “When they can’t just turn their heads normally. Instead, they have to exaggerate every movement so their hair does a little swoosh. Also, when they chew gum audibly.”
18. “Women who complain endlessly about a friend or partner, but get defensive the second you respond based on everything they told you.”
19. “When they flirt with every guy they meet…including my boyfriend.”
20. “When they copy you (mannerisms, style, way of speaking, etc.) or another person. It doesn't seem genuine.”
21. “Women who make ‘jokes’ at your expense, and then act like you’re too sensitive when you don’t find it funny.”
22. “When they disguise being mean behind ‘genuine curiosity’ or ‘genuine concern.’”
23. “When they take your stuff without asking for your permission.”
24. “When they keep hanging out with people they say they don't like.”
“Yes! I don’t care if you occasionally vent about a friend, but don’t act as if you hate them and then be besties with them the next day.”
25. “When they constantly have a million problems and not a single one of them is their fault.”
26. “When they say they aren't a feminist.”
27. “When they think anyone who doesn't give her attention is jealous of her, especially other women.”
28. “Talking excessively about being a girl’s girl. If you're really a girl’s girl, you don’t have to try to convince everyone around you that you are one.”
What warning signs do you look for in other women that suggest they might not have your back? Let me know in the comments or fill out the anonymous Google form below.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
English (US) 