"We Just Struggle Through It": 18 Problems Men Go Through That Many People Don't Realize

Sometimes, as a woman, it's easy to be annoyed at men for simply existing. Whether it be because of past trauma or systematic oppression, men can effortlessly set us off.

Whether we want to admit it or not, though, this "I'll pick a bear over a man" attitude is exactly why many men struggle with their problems in silence. Someone gave men an outlet to share these struggles by asking Reddit, "What’s a struggle that men have that women won’t understand?" Their answers gave some serious food for thought.

1. "No one cares when you have problems."

2. "Having to justify your presence in kid-friendly areas."

—u/Big-Improvement-771

"Old dude was preparing for retirement and talked about wanting to be a crossing guard so he’d have a reason to keep a routine. One of the women in the office asked him why he wanted to be around kids, and it sounded weird to her. I could see his heart break into little pieces in real time."

—u/twofourfourthree

3. "Being seen as the secondary parent by default. I have explicitly listed my number as the primary contact for my kid's school and emphasized to the staff that I have a more flexible schedule and will almost always be able to resolve things quicker than my wife. They still call her first, and then me when she's unable to answer. I'm doing my best to be an involved parent and share the mental load, and instead, I'm getting ignored."

4. "Paternal insecurity. A woman KNOWS the kid is hers. It's not a worry they'd ever need to have, and they cannot understand how such a thing can eat a man alive."

—u/dezmodium

5. "Being seen as a threat by default in certain situations, like walking behind someone at night, even though you'd never do anything."

6. "I'm a sexual assault victim and got accused by the assaulter that I did what they actually did to me. My whole 'friend group' believed them immediately, without even questioning me."

—u/TinyYellowMan

"I have had women use every single awful thing bad men say about female sexual assault victims about me, a man who was assaulted by a woman, including one woman who was also assaulted herself!"

—u/Gstamsharp

7. "Nobody is going to save you. 😃👍"

8. "When a close family member dies, everyone checks on the women and how they are holding up, but no one checks on the men. We just struggle through it. Lost both parents in a very short time. Lived with my dad after my mom passed. No relatives checked on me, but everyone called my sister."

—u/SnooHesitations8174

9. "Having to perform some type of work to feel appreciated or even noticed. Also, doing said jobs doesn't count as 'free' time for us, so please stop pretending that mowing the lawn in 95-degree heat or shoveling snow alone is something we're enjoying. If it were so fun, you'd be out here."

10. "While chatting on dating apps, you are obligated to be the first person to chat and ask all the questions. I want to get questions as well, but it just feels like I'm interviewing a woman instead of getting to know her in a nice, comfortable way."

—u/live2804

11. "I've had women tell me I could have them if I'd just be a bit more aggressive about it...which fucking terrifies me. Like, you want me to ride this line between consent and assault, that's just way too much for my autistic brain to handle..."

12. "I, as a man, have to accommodate my partner being aggressively rude towards me without showing any signs of frustration or aggression. Because the moment I do, it’s weaponized against me in a way that would be seen as completely unfair if I were a woman."

—u/CheersFromMoonside

13. "Once in a while, it doesn’t get hard. We don’t know why, it just happens, and then the woman takes it personally as if it’s because of her own attractiveness. It’s humiliating, and the cherry on top is that women will use it as an opportunity to make it about themselves. So now you gotta deal with that and the humiliation, probably increasing the chances of it happening again."

14. "Losing our hair and how that ages you and makes you feel compared to guys that don't (yes, women lose their hair too, but much less, and often much, much later in life)."

—u/brickiex2

"Not to mention the fact that no one minds if a woman wears a wig, but if a man wears one (or a toupee), then they get ridiculed."

—u/mesonofgib

15. "The expectation of being shirtless in certain situations, but not feeling comfortable with it."

16. "A simple hug or genuine compliment can stay with a guy for years."

—u/Direct_Study007

"Honest to god, you just have to hug your boys. I dunno if it's an East Coast thing, but I've taken it with me to keep it spreading, and I can see it metastasizing outwards in a growing sphere of brotherly love. Same thing with compliments. If one of your homies has a nice fit, fucking let him know."

—u/tyler111762

17. "Casual misandry hurts, no matter how we try to laugh it off. I am not your abusive father or ex. Please don’t punish me for things I did not say or do."

18. And finally, "Not having spaces to talk about men's problems without inviting in misogyny from both men and women. This isn't a red pill's 'men don't have support' stance. It's so incredibly hard to get both men and women on board with men's mental health, and it has nothing to do with the support that exists and everything to do with the fact that a lot of men don't want to change, and a lot of women don't want to acknowledge the views they hold are misogynistic and ALSO working against men's mental health."

"The first thing that comes to mind is that tweet that said, 'Men who don't body shame have big dick energy!' I feel like it has the right amount of sounding right while also being utterly incapable of considering what you're saying."

—u/BadgerwithaPickaxe

Men, are there any problems you struggle with that you feel like women just don't understand? Feel free to share them with us in the comments or through this anonymous form.

Note: Comments have been edited for length/clarity.